Unravelling Neurodivergence: A Journey Through Identity, Overthinking, and Family Ties
- Troy Lowndes
- Jan 21
- 9 min read
Updated: Apr 2
I’ve written the following article as an abstract explainer of neurodivergence. Initially intended for my immediate family and close friends, I now feel its potential impact is much broader. Sharing this feels like an invitation to a larger conversation about identity, overthinking, and the threads that connect us all.
Patterns of Human Behaviour: A Neurodivergent and Gender Perspective
Over the past year, I’ve gained a clearer understanding of what it means to be neurodivergent and how to explain it in simple terms. This clarity stems from embracing my own high-functioning neurodiverge traits, allowing them to come forward more often, without fear or self judgment.
Overthinking and Diagnosis
Imagine the profound sense of understanding and relief felt by a middle-aged adult receiving a neurodivergent diagnosis later in life. For some, it is the long-overdue validation of a lifelong puzzle—something they’ve sensed but could never quite define. For others, it’s a moment of transformative clarity, unlocking a deeper subconscious understanding of themselves and how they fit within the intricate and often overwhelming puzzle of the world.
This moment of realisation is often preceded by years, or even decades, of searching for answers. Many neurodivergent individuals spend their lives navigating a world that feels misaligned with their experiences. The process of seeking a diagnosis is rarely straightforward and requires immense reflection. Studies suggest that late diagnosis in adults is often linked to missed signs in childhood, societal stigma, and gendered biases in diagnostic criteria.
Genetic Links to Neurodivergence
Research shows that conditions like ADHD, autism, and anxiety have strong genetic links, with heritability estimates between 70–80%. These traits often manifest uniquely across generations, shaped by environmental factors and individual experiences.
In previous generations, neurodivergent conditions such as autism and ADHD were often overlooked or misdiagnosed, primarily due to limited understanding and awareness. Many individuals, especially women, were misdiagnosed with mental health conditions like personality disorders or depression before receiving an accurate diagnosis. This oversight has led to what some refer to as the “missing generation” of neurodivergent adults those who grew up before the 1990s and were not identified as neurodivergent during childhood. The evolving understanding has highlighted the importance of accurate diagnosis and support for these individuals. It also underscores the importance of accurate genetic interpretation in medical research.
In my family, I’ve observed fascinating intergenerational patterns that illustrate this genetic connection. Subtle traits—heightened creativity, sensory sensitivities, or unique problem-solving approaches—often trace back through family history, even if they weren’t formally recognised as neurodivergent traits.
Jaimie’s Story: Identity as a Personal Equation
Jaime’s story is one of self-discovery and transformation, offering a powerful example of how identity evolves. Assigned male at birth and originally named Samson, Jaime now identifies as female and has chosen the name “Jaime.” This change reflects not just a shift in gender identity but a profound act of self-expression and reclamation.
What makes Jaime’s choice particularly fascinating is the apparent subconscious connection embedded within the name itself. My interpretation is that the name is an anagram of their parents names “Jane and Jarrad” crafted with a precision that feels almost like a mathematical equation:
• “Ja” symbolises their parents, reflecting the deepest layers of connection to their family.
• “I” represents Jaime’s individuality and autonomy.
• “Me” reinforces their own sense of self and personal agency.
It’s like Jaime’s name is more than a label—it’s a synthesis of their identity, weaving together their family ties and their journey towards self-acceptance.
Studies suggest that neurodivergent individuals often engage in creative, abstract processes when navigating identity. For Jaime, this creativity is evident in the way they’ve integrated their parents’ names into their own.
Jaime’s journey also highlights the intersection between neurodivergence and gender identity. Neurodivergent individuals are more likely to explore and redefine their gender identity, as their unique perspectives and heightened self-awareness often drive them to question societal norms. For Jaime, their new name is not just a declaration of identity but a way of balancing their past and present—a tangible symbol of who they are and where they come from.
Jay’s Journey: Redefining Identity Through the Lens of Family and Neurodivergence
Jay, the child of my brother-in-law and his wife, was born female but has always identified more strongly as male. Now known as Jay, their journey reflects the complex interplay between family dynamics, gender identity, and potential neurodivergence.
Unlike Jaime, Jay has not received a formal neurodivergent diagnosis, and their parents—both psychologists—might find it challenging to see direct links to neurodivergence in their family. However, Jay’s heightened self-awareness and emotional depth suggest traits that align with neurodivergence. Research supports the idea that neurodivergent individuals often feel a disconnect between societal expectations and their internal experiences, leading to a deeper exploration of identity.
Jay’s story also reveals how family dynamics influence identity. Jays parents, both psychologists, bring a professional perspective to their parenting, from my nobservations can sometimes complicate their understanding of Jay’s experience. The analytical lens of psychology can make it harder to see the intuitive, emotional layers of a child’s journey, especially when it’s happening within your own child. Jay’s story underscores the importance of balancing professional knowledge with personal empathy, particularly when navigating the evolving identities of neurodivergent or gender-diverse children.
What’s particularly interesting is how Jay’s experience mirrors that of Jaime in subtle ways. Both have redefined their identities in ways that reflect deep self-awareness and a need to reconcile their inner and outer worlds. These parallels suggest that identity formation may be influenced not just by personal experiences but by shared family traits, including creativity, sensitivity, and a willingness to challenge norms.
Another Example: A Legacy of Changing Names and Identities
A close relative, assigned male at birth, offers another example of how identity can evolve over time. While they haven't received a formal neurodivergence diagnosis, they've acknowledged recognising certain traits in themselves—traits often associated with high-functioning autism. These include an intense focus, distinctive problem-solving approaches, and a deep introspective nature. Though often overlooked, such qualities are no less significant.
Their recent choice to adopt a new name (i'll use Bob in this example) is especially compelling when considered in light of our family's history. Interestingly, the name they selected appears to be a subconscious anagram of their parent’s given name (boB) —a parent who also changed their name in their twenties, possibly to obscure past ties after relocating across state lines in the 1950s. This pattern of name changes suggests a quiet family tradition of self-renaming as a form of survival, reinvention, or reclamation. In this way, each name becomes a symbolic bridge between what was and what’s emerging.
The story of this individual—let's call them Bob—also echoes findings in research on neurodivergence and identity. Studies indicate that neurodivergent people often form strong connections to names, symbols, and patterns, using them as tools for self-expression. For Bob, their chosen name isn't just a subtle echo of familial lineage—it’s also a declaration of selfhood, shaped by and rising from the layers of a complex family legacy.
Traditions of Marriage and Surname Choices
The decision to retain or change a surname often reflects deeply personal considerations, intertwining tradition with individual identity. Annaleigh’s choice to keep her surname highlights her independent spirit while maintaining a strong connection to her sense of self. Similarly, others in my extended family have made choices regarding their names, often driven by emotional connections or personal preferences, each decision telling its own story of identity and belonging.
For instance, my mother, born with the surname O’Brien, had it forcibly changed to Ryan by my grandfather during her childhood. Upon marrying my father, her name changed to Lowndes, but after their separation and eventual divorce, she chose to reclaim O’Brien. Similarly, Jaime’s mother chose to retain her birth surname rather than adopting her husband’s upon marriage. In contrast, some members of my family have opted to keep their divorced spouses surname rather than returning to their original family name. These choices are undeniably tied to identity, reflecting the intricate relationship between names, self-perception, connections, and, in some cases, a rejection of one’s past. Interestingly, this also seems deeply connected to neurodivergent thinking, where patterns, meanings, and relationships are often explored on a deeply personal level. More often than not, this process unfolds subconsciously, delving deeper than any of us may consciously realise.
Creativity and Neurodivergence
The connection between neurodivergence and creativity is well-documented. Studies show that neurodivergent individuals often excel in creative disciplines, such as music, art, and writing, due to their unique ways of processing information. This is evident within my broader family landscape, where theres a wide array of; artists, musicians, writers, poets, academics — essentially i see the genetics threads as
inescapable and while they in many cases might be hard for some people to see, I also picture myself before I’d began my own deep awakening. Concepts that I was unable to comprehend or fathom in the past, now make much more sense. They’re beginning to have an explanation.
Final Reflections: The Interplay Between Neurodivergence and Identity
As I reflect on the unique stories within my family and close relationships, I see that neurodivergence and identity are deeply interconnected. They are not separate concepts but overlapping threads, weaving together our sense of self, our relationships, and the ways we navigate the world.
One of the most profound connections between lies in the process of self-discovery. Neurodivergent individuals often spend their lives questioning societal norms, challenging assumptions, and redefining what it means to “fit in.” This questioning is not just about understanding the world—it’s about understanding themselves. For Jaime, this journey was expressed through the deeply personal act of choosing a name that reflects both their family roots and their own individuality. For Jay, it is an ongoing process of aligning their internal identity with their external reality. And for Bob, it has been a lifelong journey of reconciling family history with his own sense of self.
The ability to question and redefine is a hallmark of neurodivergence. Research suggests that neurodivergent individuals often exhibit heightened creativity, introspection, and pattern recognition—traits that make them particularly adept at navigating the complexities of identity. These traits can manifest in various ways, from crafting a meaningful name to exploring gender identity or embracing artistic outlets like music and writing.
Changing the equations in the ways I’ve described may help to provide a lens through which we can better understand the fluidity of identity. Just as neurodivergence exists on a spectrum, so too does identity. Both are dynamic, evolving over time as we gain new insights and experiences. This is evident in the intergenerational patterns within my family, where neurodivergent traits have shaped not just individual lives but entire family dynamics. Jaime’s name, for example, reflects a blending of past and present, while Bob’s choice of name honours both his father’s legacy and his own autonomy.
Another key link between neurodiversity and identity is the role of overthinking. As discussed earlier, overthinking is often seen as a challenge for neurodivergent individuals, but it also serves as a powerful tool for self-reflection and growth. The intense mental energy required to navigate questions of identity—Who am I? What defines me? Where do I belong?—can be exhausting, but it is also deeply transformative. For many neurodivergent individuals, this process is not optional; it is an inherent part of their journey.
The article has also shown an undeniable intersection with creativity, tradition, and family history. Whether it’s through Jay’s evolving understanding of gender, Bob’s connection to his father’s legacy, or Jaime’s use of a name as a personal equation, these stories highlight how there’s a myriad of different expressions of the same human need: to find meaning and belonging.
It also demonstrates that Identity is not static. It shifts and transforms, influenced by the threads of our neurodivergence, our environment, and our relationships. Just as Neurodivergence challenges us to see the world differently, it also challenges us to see ourselves differently. It teaches us that identity is not something we are given—it’s something we create.
In many ways, neurodivergence acts as both a mirror and a magnifying glass, reflecting the fluidity of identity while amplifying its complexity. It pushes us to ask questions others might avoid and to seek answers that go beyond the surface. This process, though challenging, leads to a deeper understanding of ourselves and the connections that bind us to others.
At its core, the interplay between Neurodiversity and Identity reminds us that we are all part of a larger story. The names we choose, the traditions we uphold, and the ways we navigate our neurodivergence are all threads in the intricate fabric of human experience. Embracing these threads—both individually and collectively—is what allows us to connect, grow, and thrive.
As we continue to explore these themes, let us remember that our differences are not barriers but bridges. They are opportunities to learn from one another and to celebrate the unique ways we see and shape the world. In the end, it is our shared humanity—our ability to reflect, adapt, and connect—that makes us whole.
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